Understanding there are big issues on what freedoms we actually have and how we arrive at actually having a freedom is complicated and often unfair, today I want to just concentrate on relationships, romantic relationships in particular.
We have this fantasy in this country that boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, get married and live happy ever after. The reality is that more than half will end in divorce, many of those that stay together are unhappy and together solely for financial reasons or inertia. We have fantasies of how all of this happens ... the finding of the ONE ... Cinderella meets handsome Prince who saves her from a life of drudgery and takes her to the castle with servants (some of which might be wishing for their own happy ever after) where they live a blissful life full of diamonds and jewelry, well behaved children, and the Happy-Ever-After. Guys fantasies usually run along the line that they will met a hot Cinderella that has modest and affordable tastes, a great body that stays such after kids, and that craves hot and kinky sex every night. Maybe the guy's fantasy is slightly affected by my own fantasies.
First, isn't there a belief in this country that if one's actions do not impact those around you (you can swing your arms until your fist hits my face) then we should be free to proceed. Well, that is obviously not how it works. Okay then, on the disputed items it is the majority that determines if the minority has the given freedom. From my personal polls, most think it is okay to drink beer on Sunday's, always have, but in many places in America there are still restrictions on buying and drinking beers on Sunday's. So, what's up?
It is the "I am my brother's keeper rule" kicking in. No, not the one where you give your brother some bread because he is hungry version (that one is not so popular), it is the version where you keep your brother from doing something that you think is wrong for you to do and therefore wrong for him. If you think it is wrong because of your religious beliefs to have sex with someone of your same sex, then you try to stop others from committing that sin. How do you do that most effectively? You don't let then have the privileges of being married, therefore throwing up a very effective deterrent. Not of the behavior itself, but of them prospering and enjoying their life. In short, you are punishing your brother for his evil behavior ... you are your brother's keeper, saving his soul.
So, let's look at another example. Love is good right? We should all love our neighbor, our spouse, our parents, our children, the hot woman next door, Santa Claus, etc. Pardon me, I don't know how the hot woman next door got in the list, obviously not okay. But, what if she is a swinger and your mate is a swinger and you accidentally fall in love with her after years of "screwing her". Of course, you have to tell your mate that you have broken the code of swingers and fallen in love. Lots of Grief. But, what if you are polyamorous and believe that it is okay to love others beside your spouse and she fully supports and encourages you loving others -- and the others are playing by the same open and honest -- full disclosure rules?
Now, the question before us is not whether you want to be a swinger or a polyamorous person, but whether or society with our strong, but untrue, Cinderella fantasies, should allow others to pursue alternate fantasies, their fantasies, of a rich and meaningful relationship(s). My guess is that the religious rights says "no way, Hosea". About a third would say, its okay with me what they do on the downlow. I would guess only a third of people who say let's sanction such relationships with the rights of legal marriage. Those that say no to legal marriage would say "its just wrong" or "it won't work" (unlike the Cinderella fantasy). Again, many will say "I'm your keeper brother and I am just not going to let you go there" with that kind of screwed up relationship.
Now humor me for a moment. Domestic violence. 1/4 of women experience domestic violence in this country. At the core of such relationships is an OWNERSHIP MODEL. I know a man in such a relationship that said "that's mine" and no one else better touch it. I'll leave it to the reader's imagination which part of the anatomy the guy was speaking about. But, how much of ownership model exists in most marriages? How many of them are based on the union of equal partners free to negotiate an agreement that is right for the partnership? How much of our cultural biases which are created in part by unrealistic fantasies (Cinderella and romance novels)) create an ownership model of marriage which lead to its ultimate demise. And yes, it can go both ways.
What would a realistic, open and honest relationship look like. Of course, each one would be unique. But, until we have those explorers among us that want to try new things (two husbands?) and we give them the freedom to do so, how much are we also setting the tone in traditional marriage to live by scripts formulated by others? And in trying to force all marriages to follow the same rules, how difficult are we making for each partner in a marriage to form their own unique, wonderful relationship.
Let's learn to send the message, "you two sit down and construct a marriage that is right for the two of you (or three of you)".
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