Accepting Death with Courage and Compassion

In 2010, my wife ended a two year battle with cancer.  The cancer won.  My daughter who tried to help me with the ordeal had an emotional break down and is still struggling with the after effects.  My wife fought well, she fought death with courage, but we as a family never had the compassion to let "her accept death with courage."  We never got to the point where we said enough of the painful chemo and radiation treatments.  Enough fighting battles in a war that is already lost.  We didn't have the compassion to let her know it was alright if she wanted to accept death and enjoy the end as best she could.

I blame a lot of this on our medical profession who has not learned to face death with courage much less coach their patients to do so.  Of course, euthanasia is deemed immoral by most religious groups and therefore forced upon me (in the land of the not so free).  But, even short of euthanasia, there needs to be coaching/therapy to the patience, family, and friends.  It doesn't happen in this country from my experience with my wife and a few friends.  No time is set aside to accept death and say our goodbyes. 

On a bigger front, a significant amount of our growing medical cost crisis comes from keeping people alive at all costs for as long as possible.  It is legally challenging to let someone die even when they have a living will.  To begin preparing someone for death at the beginning of the treatment cycle for critical diseases might be seen as giving up on someone, but the price we pay is that we do not make rational, informed, and caring decisions on how to live our last days.  And, we can easily run up millions of dollars of medical bills for our society and hundreds of thousands of dollars for our family above what insurance will cover. 

I have always said I hope I get to live my last days well and then die in the woods.  I mean that a little metaphorically, but the spirit of what I am saying is this: "I want to live well and then, when it is time, accept death with courage."  I would like the support of my family and society when it is time.